Is Monogamy Still a Valid Expectation

 

Although it seems that everyone is cheating, that’s simply not the case.  It’s definitely easier to cheat since there is easy access to pornography, cybersex and hookup sites on social media.  You can remain at home, while surfing the internet for sex.  It all depends on what you define as cheating.  Some women believe that all men cheat.   In reality, who are the men cheating with? (other women)   Statistics show there’s not much difference in the percentage of men that cheat versus women.

Couples can remain faithful if they are committed to each other, their communication is open and honest and if everyone’s emotional and physical needs are being met.  Cheating is definitely a choice.  The same effort put into cheating should be put in keeping your relationship exciting and your bond stronger.

If you choose to remain faithful to your man then you should continue to expect him to live by the same standard.  You don’t have any control over the actions of anyone else, but it all depends on what you are willing to accept.  Some couples fear that they will encounter infidelity issues, so they decide to have an open relationship or to be polyamorous.  They feel this option will allow them to stay together, despite being with other people.  These relationships don’t necessarily have a greater chance of surviving because one of them could still fall for someone else.

Battling Boredom in Your Relationship

 

 

 

Boredom is one of the main reasons for infidelity in many relationships.  Having the same daily routine day in and day out can cause couples to become bored.  Sometimes couples become disconnected from one another.  They may not be interested in or supportive of their partner’s goals and aspirations.  Often this causes them to grow apart.  The predictability of doing the same things over and over again, can make you feel like you’re in a rut.  Stepping out of your comfort zone is one way of breathing new life into a relationship.

A new relationship is always exciting.  It’s a normal occurrence that over time people become complacent and things can get dull.  It doesn’t mean that the love is gone.  Spontaneity can combat boredom.  You must find ways to keep things exciting in and out of the bedroom.  Planning a trip at least once a year, a staycation more often and scheduling date night twice a month will give couples something to look forward to.  Planning future events together, parties, adventurous day trips or tours to local wineries, music festivals,  local tourist spots, etc. are all examples of things to do to break the monotony.   Doing new activities together or with other couples whether it’s sports, hobbies, exercise or other entertainment can solidify your bond.  Some couples actually need space, time apart from one another in order to enjoy each other when they come together.  (I’m not suggesting to jump into someone else’s arms).

Boredom won’t go away by itself.  You must do something to combat the slump you feel you’re in and to bring the sparks back to the relationship.  Communicate to your partner how you are feeling.  They are probably feeling the same way.  Together you can work at re-igniting the flames that were once lit.  Both people must be willing to make the necessary changes to get your loving relationship back on track.

 

 

To the Other Woman, Karma is a B****

 

Taking someone else’s man may feel good to your ego, but just know that your days are numbered.  What goes around comes around!  The other woman is often insecure and have trust issues.  A man who cheats on one woman, is inclined to cheat on the one he cheated with.   He may trade her in for another woman when he gets bored.   A man may also feel that his lover doesn’t have any morals and values, so she may be the one who cheats.  Since he already has a wife or girlfriend, she wouldn’t really be cheating on him. (LOL)

A man doesn’t usually marry his mistress.  She continues to hang on waiting in the background, while he often never leaves his wife.  She doesn’t realize she’s nothing more to him than his “side chick.” Even when a married man says he’s not sleeping with his wife, he usually is.

The other woman isn’t the one who took the vows of fidelity the married man is, but she is an enabler or accomplice to the cheater.  The married man is the one who betrayed you.   She is only hurting herself by denying herself a chance at having a respectable relationship.

Some things to keep in mind when you are the other woman:

1.  You are sharing a man.
2.  You are always kept a secret.
3.  You are settling for less wasting your time with someone who is not available, when you deserve so much more.
4.  You may have many lonely nights and holidays, because he can’t slip away.
5.  You will always be second to his wife and children.

Trust is always questionable when you have a cheater and a home wrecker.

Just remember, how you get a man is how you’ll lose him.  Karma is a bitch!!

 

 

Men: What You See, is What You Get

 

Most men are true to who they are, even early on in a relationship.  Many women will overlook or accept a man’s annoying behavior hoping to change him to make him into her fantasy.  The fact is, you can’t change a man unless he is willing to change, so stop trying!  He may attempt to change for you, but it won’t last.

Women often try to mold a man to become who she wants him to be.  Men will resent that they aren’t good enough as they are.  A man’s ego can become bruised.  He may feel insecure or feel emasculated.  This will definitely destroy a relationship or cause him to cheat.  You can’t raise or train a grown man.  Sometimes a man will see you as trying to control him.  He will remain resistant and may also feel that you don’t really love him.  Some other woman will gladly accept him as he is.

Some of the most difficult changes for anyone to make immediately are overcoming:

• Addiction
• Immaturity
• Workaholic
• Womanizer
• Abusive behavior
• Commitment phobia

Everyone has some flaws, bad habits or quirky traits that can be annoying, but are they worth accepting or are they a deal breaker? Ultimately, that is the question you have to ask yourself.

A few things to keep in mind . . .

Your love isn’t enough to change him.

You’re fighting a losing battle.

It has to be a man’s own decision to change.

Accept a man at face value.

Why The Thrill of the Chase is So Exciting

 

Most men find the thrill of the chase very exciting and an adrenaline rush.  Men generally welcome a challenge.  They are strategic thinkers and love to hunt and conquer.  A man usually gets bored much quicker than a woman does, therefore they tend to find anything “new” exciting.  Having to put in the work to win a woman’s heart wouldn’t be a deal breaker for most men.   A man will chance rejection if that turns out to be the outcome.  It’s exciting for a man to pursue the woman of his dreams, even if he feels she is playing hard to get.  Some men will do whatever it takes to reel her in as long as he knows he has a chance.  (It’s like a chess match)

Men place more value on a woman he had to work hard to get.  He probably won’t take her for granted either.  Sometimes it’s a game or a sport to a man.   He may bet his friends that he will get her number.  The thrill of the chase is also about a man’s ego.  Some men will pursue an elusive woman who seems unobtainable, just for the challenge or competition.  To land her would be a great score, after all he succeeded where other men failed.  It would be like hitting the jackpot and taking home the prize!

Keep Lust Alive in Your Relationship

 

The sparks can fizzle out over time, but it doesn’t have to.  You must do your part in keeping your man desiring you.  Continue to be the sexy lady he fell in love with in the first place.

Foreplay should start throughout the day and lovemaking shouldn’t only take place in the bedroom.  Flirting, sexting and talking dirty can also get you aroused.  Date night and vacations without the children are a must to keep the lust alive in a relationship.  Wearing lingerie to bed and role play can also contribute to an exciting sex life.  You have to constantly find new adventurous ways to keep the passionate feeling.  It’s easy to get bored when romance becomes monotonous.  Be spontaneous and unpredictable at all times.  Try a couples spa day, wine and painting events or a picnic in a scenic park or by the water.  (Don’t forget the wine and cheese!)

Couples should have open non-judgmental communication.  They should talk about their sexual needs, different positions to try and share their fantasies and desires.  Let them know if you desire sex more frequently or if you would like to experiment with new ways to please one another.

Don’t get complacent in your relationship.  The sparks will continue to burn by  exploring different methods to enhance the excitement and keep lust alive.

 

Flirting Isn’t Always Harmless

You can unknowingly put your relationship in jeopardy when you believe flirting is just playful innocent behavior, when in fact your intentions are not so innocent.  Temptation to go further can definitely lead to infidelity.  Having sexual attraction for someone aside from your bae an easily progress into inappropriate behavior or cheating if you put yourself in a compromising situation.  It’s like playing with fire.

It’s always flattering and is definitely an ego boost when you are flirted with.  Be careful not to need this type of attention so badly that you are vulnerable because you aren’t getting any attention from your man.  You could easily get emotionally attached to another person who satisfies your emotional needs.

If your man is flirting with other women in front of you, this is blatantly disrespectful behavior that you should not tolerate.

Harmless flirting would be simply smiling, greeting or complimenting the opposite sex in passing.

Flirting has gone too far when it involves:

• Touching or other physical contact
• pursuing the other person
• Continuous contact

Aggressive flirting can be a sign of lust, in this case it is best left between couples or singles who are available and are not in a relationship.

He Cheated, Now What?

 

It is the anniversary of my initial posting of He Cheated, Now What?

This is the most commented on post I have written so far, so I have decided to re-blog it.  This subject matter may be of interest to everyone at some point in their life, even if just to advise someone on how to handle infidelity when they are going through it.

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When you have been cheated on, the first thing you have to do is decide if the relationship is worth saving.  Both of you must really want to work at gaining trust and healing from the pain and disappointment of the betrayal that goes along with the infidelity.

Communication is needed to understand what caused the infidelity in the first place.  This is crucial in hopes of preventing it from happening again.  Couples counseling could help with an unbiased third-party.   He has to earn your trust again.  Trust is very hard to gain, once it has been lost.

Don’t obsess over information about the other woman.  It was your man who betrayed your trust, the other woman doesn’t have any loyalty to you.  You need to know if it was a one-time affair or a lengthy affair.  A slip up is easier to forgive.  If it was with an ex, that could mean there are still underlying feelings between them.   That would pose a problem in trying to salvage the relationship.  If he has cheated on you before or he has a pattern of cheating in all of his past relationships, he most likely will cheat on you again.

Fight, but Give Into Make-up Sex

 

 

Fighting is normal in a relationship.  You have two distinct personalities which will not always agree or get along.  Compromise is key to handling problems without destroying your relationship.  Make-up sex allows a couple to bond by closing the distance caused by fighting.  The energy and adrenaline it takes to fight, can actually lead to arousal.   You can’t stay angry with your man if he just made sweet love to you.   Make-up sex is exciting, but it doesn’t resolve any underlying issues between couples.  It’s just a temporary fix.

In relationships where couples never fight, one of them are holding back their true feelings in order to please the other person.  That person would rather keep quiet to keep the peace in order to avoid conflict altogether.  Somewhere down the line, resentment will build up.  This is not a healthy relationship.  Both parties must be able to communicate to resolve problems in their relationship.   When there are domestic abuse issues, it’s time to get out of the relationship and seek protection.

Couples will have misunderstandings, but as long as you can argue in a respectful manner and are able to let the power struggle end, and you can meet somewhere in the middle, fighting is a normal part of a relationship.  Tackle the problem, not the person.  There’s no better way to say you’re sorry, than make-up sex.  LOL

 

 

 

Tips to Avoid “Baby Mama” Drama

When you’re in a relationship with a man who has a child, sometimes you can be subjected to “baby mama” drama.  If your relationship is new, you should avoid spending time with your man when he has his child present.   Here are a few tips on how to handle the drama if you’re in a serious, committed relationship or marriage:

• Stay out of it and let the baby daddy handle all of the drama.
• Be careful not to trash talk the baby mama in front of the child.
• Follow the routine the parents set for the child, and don’t change anything.
• All decisions regarding the child should be made by the parents only.
• Remember a child’s loyalty will always be to their parents, not you.

If a baby mama still has feelings for her ex and she hasn’t moved on, she may have a problem accepting another woman being apart of her ex’s life as well as her child’s life.  Usually it’s jealousy that will cause the drama between all of you.  The child is often used as a pawn to get back at the other parent, but in reality it’s the child that suffers the most.

If you decide to stay in the relationship and deal with the baby mama drama, just know that it won’t be easy but if your love is strong, your relationship will survive.  Remember, the motive of the baby mama may just be to ruin your relationship with her ex.  Remain supportive and united and don’t let her know she is getting under your skin, or she will push harder.  Try to get along with her if possible because she will be part of your lives for many years to come.  Usually once she sees you aren’t going anywhere, she will often end the drama and accept that the three of you must coexist for the sake of the child.